Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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