she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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