I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize