my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
