jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
