All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
