I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
