just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
