so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
