Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
