I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
be right there i have to get my cape
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
