I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
