dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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