It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
