Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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