He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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