I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
