Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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