I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize