she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
