When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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