Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
