He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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