why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize