I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
