there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize