I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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