he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
