Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
