You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I supernannyed him into submission
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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