We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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