allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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