Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
