Your face is a jimmy john
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
