You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
