finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
