dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
