he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
