Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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