you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
