the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
