i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
