i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We're too hungover to prance.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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