a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
