Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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