I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
