that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
