Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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