I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm both gender and math confused
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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