you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
