what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
