I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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