We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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