If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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