i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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