just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize