Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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