stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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