naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
