dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
