There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize