I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
