I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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