You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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