haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
