doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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