did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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