When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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